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Back
Tonight I decided that I would go back to actually writing things on this, rather than being lazy and just putting down sentences.
Today was not a good day for me. It wasn’t bad, but it really just confused the shit out of me. I feel alone and lost. My best friends confuse me. The guy I like confuses me even more, and the rest of the world, well it’s a big place, it’s full of confusion. My mother and I can’t stand to not fight. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help her. No one knows, except for my best friends, how bad it is. They don’t even get it. Her drug abuse, and self diagnosed but completely legitimate bipolar disorder is getting unbearable for me. I mean, yes they are prescription drugs, but it’s still just as bad as crack or meth. I don’t know how much longer I can take. She keeps telling me go to my dad’s, but I don’t want to move across the country. I love my school and I like my life here, I don’t want to leave.
Ever since my grandpa died this summer things have been very difficult for me.
I think that event just triggered a whole bunch of things in my life to turn upside down. I keep having the desire to cut again… I don’t want to. I really don’t. I do everything in my power not to. But I can’t control it anymore.
Mom-
I’m sorry if I’ve failed you. I’m sorry I can’t make you happy. I’m sorry that I have no desire to help you after all the pain you’ve caused me. I still love you, it’s just harder to show it.
